Anxious Mind #SOLC19

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I woke with an anxious mind at 3:00 p.m.  The events of the day before played over and over in my mind.  Had I said the right things?  Was I helpful?  Did I just make the problem worse.

Digging through the drawer, I found my earplugs.  The sound of swirling air filled my ears.  Sleep came again.

When I woke, I helped one daughter rush off to work.  I made breakfast, pushing down the anxious feelings.  I tried to tell myself, the decisions are not yours.  You offered help.  

As breakfast settled in my stomach, I charged into high gear.  Cleaning, vacuuming, chatting with the bird.  Then I decided to try a new yoga routine, "For Change and Drain."

Adriene's calm words and encouragement helped me calm my anxious mind.  "Be mindful," she coached.  "Notice the tightness in your body."

I grounded myself to the earth, setting my intentions.  Breathing.  Accepting that I had done all I could in a tough situation.  I would continue to offer support.

Namaste.

A Playlist for Flying #SOLC

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I am not a mellow flyer.  When I was younger, I helped co-workers find courage to fly on their first business trip.  Then when my girls were young, we took a flight home from Orlando with terrible turbulence, and my fear of flying kicked in.

I have worked hard to be a better flyer, and some cognitive behavior therapy for anxiety has helped, too.  Last year my best friend encouraged me to get noise canceling earbuds.  "Maybe the noise of the plane is making you more anxious?" she pondered.

The earbuds and a grand variety of music on my phone have become essential parts of my flight plan.

Yesterday I flew to Phoenix, AZ with my husband.  I weathered the turbulence pretty well, but I'm still working on managing my anxiety during the gradual descent before landing.  My music app was on shuffle, and some interesting titles kept popping up.  I decided to create a playlist focused on flying (and my mix of feelings) to distract me from feeling anxious.

Part of my playlist

My favorite on this first list was "Hold On!" I have to give a big shout out to Shawn Mendes for keeping my nerves calm with his sweet voice and acoustic guitar.  

I'm hoping to download some new music for our two flights home.  I'm glad I've found some coping strategies to deal with the ups and downs of flying.  Any other suggestions are welcome!

Sending Her Off SOLC #21

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Tonight Allison will hop on a bus with her school choir and travel to New York City.  \
This is her big first trip without parents or grandparents.  She has to be in charge of herself.

She's 16, so this should not be a big deal.  

But it's a big deal.

Allison is my younger, right-brained, clock-ignoring, carefree, Mixed Cereal daughter.  I (unfortunately) have been her alarm clock and task adviser for 16 years.

The girl has an alarm clock that lights up like the sun and creates bird noises that could wake the dead.  Do I let her learn how to get out of bed?  Nope.
I walk past her door every morning and tell myself, "I WILL NOT WAKE HER UP TODAY!"
And then I go in and give the Morning Speech.

Ugh.  If she misses something on this trip, it will be all. my. fault.

I've been encouraged told straight out by experts and friends to let her fail.  Let her be late.  Let her face the consequences.

But I can't.  I haven't.  I should have.

So now I will send her off to NYC.  I hope and wish that she will use some of her own time management skills (and her new watch) to stay on time and not be left behind.

oh boy.

Frank the guardian dove? SOLC #11

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There is a mourning dove.  We usually see him alone, but sometimes he is accompanied by another dove.  When we see him, we say, "Look!  It's Frank!"  We smile and feel warm inside.

I know, it's a dove.  But he has a special story.

***

My Grandpa Frank was a joyful man who worked hard.  He and my Grandma Shirley raised six kids on a bricklayer's salary (and lack of a salary in the winter).    Grandma Shirley was the rule maker and Grandpa Frank was the rule breaker.

I'm the oldest of eleven grandchildren.  I remember being handed Cheerios by Grandpa Frank and being told, "Go plant these in the yard.  They are doughnut seeds!"  He always told silly jokes that poked fun at his Polish heritage.  When he was younger, he was kicked out of more than one school for being a "hooligan" and he told stories about having his knuckles rapped by nuns.

In the summer of 2004 we lost Grandpa Frank to complications of a stroke and melanoma.  He died on Father's Day leaving a hole in the hearts of many.  "Be good," were the last words he told me.

Fast foward a few years.  My mom has a small window in her closet which she can look through when she looks in the bathroom mirror to dry her hair.  She started noticing a mourning dove when she thought about her dad (my grandpa, Frank).

I wonder if Dad's here to check up on us. She would wonder.  Then she would feel better about connecting the bird's visit to a challenge our family was facing.

On the day we moved my brother and his family back to Illinois under less than ideal circumstances, a single mourning dove sat on the wire right above their driveway.  "There's Frank!" my mom exclaimed.  She then explained how she connected seeing a mourning dove to her dad.

It's been awhile since I've seen Frank.  We have medical concerns and general stress in my family, so when I went outside to get the Sunday papers, I was pleasantly surprised to see Frank sitting on our roof.

It's funny to think that a bird can make you feel a little better about things.
Whatever works, right?

Frank came for a visit.

Second Guessing

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It's my 10th year of teaching in my current position, at my current school.  This year (for reasons I can't pinpoint) I've taken on a bad habit.

Second guessing.

I'm second guessing my instructional practices.
I'm second guessing my outlook on literacy.
I'm second guessing letting my students have free choice as well as leveled text in their book bags.
I'm second guessing nearly everything I'm doing.

It's exhausting!

On the other hand....

I'm great at brainstorming ideas for the classroom teachers in my building, always with the caveat, "I don't have a classroom, but have you thought about....?"

But then....

The more advice I give, the more I start to second guess what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.

I've always tried NOT to compare myself to other teachers, but then I launch into excuses.

"She's able to try that because her students have more language skills."
"She can accomplish that because she's more effective at behavior management."
"She just wants to impress others."

Second guessing makes for long days, upset stomachs and little sleep.

Maybe I should follow the advice I give to so many colleagues, especially our newest teachers:

"Pick one thing.  Dig in.  Research.  Try. Reflect. Try again.  But only pick ONE thing."

Time to find that ONE thing.  Time to stop second guessing.

Worry

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My aunt has a magnet on her refrigerator,

"Don't worry. I've got it. --God"

I've always wanted to embrace that idea.  I can't.  If worrying was an Olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist.


My Great Granny Antoinette led the way for me.  I was her understudy, listening and watching her worry.  I thought it was a little funny.  For example, when she'd arrive at a party, she'd ask my Granny (her daughter and chauffeur), "When are we going home?"

Granny's response would always be, "What are you worried about?  The bricks leaving while you're gone?  Relax and enjoy yourself!" (Granny was a very happy-go-lucky lady!)

Relax.
Enjoy yourself.
Don't worry.

These words are easy to say but hard to live by.  I can find something, anything to worry about, just give me a few minutes.  My husband claims that I thrive in worry and chaos.  Sometimes he says I worry just to worry.

I don't.  Okay.  I might.  If I worry, no one else has to!

Don't worry, I've got it!  --Chris