Musings from a middle school reading specialist. I encourage my students to read, talk, write, and have fun!
I parent two amazing young-adult daughters with my husband of 30+ years.

February 25, 2014

I do, I do it for you, You do... Really!

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I'm trying something tried and true at my house this week.  I'm not jumping in and saving my teens from their poor choices (note:  no harmful choices were made).  It's been an interesting couple of days as I work from being an enabler to more of an observer and coach.

One daughter was ticked off when I didn't provide any help for a major assignment that she started at 10:00 p.m. on Sunday night.  (No dear, you can't blame procrastination on me.)  The other was astounded that she had to "pay" for a ride to school with her phone after she missed the bus.

I'm not dropping off gym clothes at school.  I'm not giving the time in 5 minute increments in the morning any more.

All of this is against every grain of my being.  I know my purpose in life is to help others -- I've always done it.  But enabling and coaching are different.

In the classroom I've been pressing my mouth closed and encouraging my students to talk more about their reading and thinking.  I've asked them, "What do you think?" more than I offer my ideas.  I'm trying to push them to their highest levels of thinking and sharing.  There are no excuses for not reading outside of my class.  I simply ask them to set a goal they can manage.

Enabling, coaching, caring, helping.  I'm trying to find a balance while helping the kids around me (at home, at school) find their way.

5 comments:

  1. Ohhhh, that dang enabling and coaching thing. So, so, so hard! Both at home and at school!

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  2. Good for you! I don't have kids of my own, but I do have 4th graders. We are learning some hard lessons this week, and they aren't liking it. I don't like it so much either, especially when I have to tell a parent why they don't have a good grade in my class. *sigh* if they could only see the future!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  3. oh, so very, very hard! I need to to better in this area myself---thanks!

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  4. Your girls (and students) will thank you later on. It's tough now to just encourage and not enable, but they will learn so much from this lesson.

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  5. It's a hard balance -- for everyone! Hang in there. There will be good days and bad days, but hopefully all good lessons for life will be learned!

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