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I'm not feeling a lot of it today.
Two teen daughters. One with decent grades and a tendency to procrastinate (inherited from me!).
One with falling grades and roller coaster attitude.
I want to trust that they will do their homework, study for tests and keep a positive attitude without me having to ask, sitting on top of them, or micromanaging.
I have two choices - trust or become one of those parents.
I've read all about them.
Helicopter parents.
Hovering. Fixing. Solving.
I have to teach my daughters to find the way that works best for them to take care of their home and school responsibilities in a timely and responsible manner. My husband reminds me they need to learn from their mistakes. We learned. We turned out to be pretty responsible people.
Do I worry more about how I am perceived as a parent if my children struggle? Is it a big reflection on me - especially because I'm a teacher?
There's a fine line between enabling and empowering.
I'm walking on a parenting tightrope that's made entirely of
trust.
As a parent of four I totally relate to this post. My husband always says, "Let them fail in a safe environment and they will grow up to be responsible individuals." I have to learn to trust that his words are correct! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteSo true - it's safe to make mistakes now. :)
DeleteChris oh how I understand...but I feel like we need to find the what ever the word is for in between enabling and empowering... trust your instincts and if one or both of your girls needs a little extra hovering/fixing/solving than so be it.... that's what a mom sometimes has to do.
ReplyDeleteI think I just hate that I'm so goooood at enabling - at home & school. Sigh.
DeleteHow fortunate you are to have a husband who shares parenting in such a positive way. Personally I've always learned more from my failures than from my successes.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is the rational thinker in the house for sure! I have to trust that the girls will learn mostly on their own now. It's time to let them!
DeleteIt's so hard to trust when it means you have to watch your children learn their lessons the hard way. I just have one teen daughter, and it is indeed a tightrope. I'm not ready for the things she is...boyfriends, driving (soon), then college.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be surprised as how well you'll deal with all the teen stuff (I was very relaxed about driving!) - glad we're in this at the same time!
DeleteWow - this was a very thoughtful reflection. Scary and thought provoking and wondering what my future is like... I like Lynn's response about finding that in between and knowing when you have enable and when you have to empower. It is a fine line for sure.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, we're never sure if it's too much or too little. Should we bail them out or let them flounder? And, I'm sure adding the "teacher" into the mix makes it even more difficult. I like your husband's comment, let them learn from their mistakes (unless it is some harmful). They will grow in their learning. Of course, it never hurts to hover with them either. I always wished there was a "Dummies Manual for the Teenage Years". Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSo right there with you, Chris. I have two sons- one who really struggles in school and who is brilliant, but chooses to do nothing from school. So, so, so hard to watch them fail and let them learn from their mistakes. And even harder because I am a teacher, and my kids go/went to school in my district. And people know me. And I always feel like how they do in school is a reflection on me. Even though that is probably not all true. So glad to know there are other people in the same boat.
ReplyDelete